Google used to have a very interesting and thought-provoking engineering leadership course called Edge. It took place off-site over three days. Attendees did a lot of the typical things you might expect… collaborative games, self-reflection, psychological tests, etc.

What did we do that was unusual? At the end of the day, particularly on the last evening, we discussed our observations of each other and tried to share very honest perspectives. The small group of people I’d been working with during the program gave me this feedback on how I could increase my impact:

• Be present

• Say no

• Don’t fill awkward silences

• Save humour for when it matters

Four brief bullet points, each one just the tip of an iceberg. I wrote them down verbatim in Google Keep. The next morning we all caught a bus to Mountain View and got back to work.

At the time I had some understanding of what each suggestion meant and some ideas on how to put them into practice. Years later, I realise that I could have got a lot more value from that feedback if I had discussed it with other people to round it out. Not because it wide of the mark, but because it was all absolutely spot on.

When we get feedback we’re often told to dig into it… “Ask the person who gave you this feedback for more examples”, and so on. It can also be very helpful to go to other people who are outside the circle. Do they see the same habits and limiting behaviours? Do they have examples or can they frame the feedback better to help you use it more effectively? If I had asked more widely at the time I am sure my progress would have been smoother and faster.

I have to work hard when I receive constructive feedback. By way of an example, when a colleague once said to me, “Feedback is a gift”, I replied, “Well I hope you’ve kept the receipt”. Save humour for when it matters? Maybe I’m still working on that.